Government To Set Up Support Groups For Parents

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar and minister for health Simon Harris have announced they are to set up support groups for parents who have to sit through school end-of-year shows. Parents are often subjected to their own little darling’s ‘performances’ at home, but this time of year sees many poor souls subjected to the trauma of multiple showings of awfully butchered musicals. Hearing the songs from ‘Grease’ screeched at an adult, often for several nights in a row, by children with no sense of pitch, tune or volume control can have serious and long-lasting psychological effects.

Little Boy Racer

A boy racer rather ruined the image the other day by driving his souped up Micra slowly and carefully through a Dunnes Stores car park while blaring Little Mix’s ‘Shout Out To My Ex’. He parked outside the pharmacy, the 18 inch exhaust rattling the false teeth of several nearby pensioners. The blacked out windows failed to conceal his embarrassment as his mother popped her head out the door and shouted

I’ll just be a few minutes Nigel, I’m waiting on my HRT tablets and that cream you wanted for your ‘special area’!

Men To Continue Exact Same Conversation For A Month

Father’s meeting at the school gates are to repeat the same conversation for the duration of the World Cup. The drab interaction always follows the same format – one instigates by asking if the other saw ‘the match’ last night (no particular match is referred to, just in case actual knowledge of the month-long snore-fest is required). A brief and vague analysis follows, and the exchange is rounded out by each inquiring about the other’s luck in the pub sweepstakes. At least they don’t have to pretend to be interested in each others kids.

Trump. Just Trump. Again.

Every sane person on this side of the Atlantic has (rightly) expressed horror and outrage at the separation and detention of immigrant children in cages in the United States of Trumpland. However, many parents have also made subtle inquiries as to where exactly the cages were purchased, as they could prove handy with the summer holidays imminent.