Mother In Hospital After Interaction With Teenager

A Wexford mother is being treated for severe shock after both of her teenage children did exactly what she asked them to do. No further details are available at this time as no-one knows what the fuck is going on – more to follow.

 

Awkward Conversation To Be Had In The Midlands This Week

Parents in Fermanagh are seeking advice from their friends as they struggle to tackle a tough situation at home.

As the parents sat down to watch ‘Avengers’ with their son on Sunday afternoon, both slightly hung over, they turned to their phones while the 7 year old lost himself in the explosions and enthralling plot-line(!).

Their attention was quickly refocused when an advert from Durex popped up on the screen, prompting the child to ask “Where is orgasm?” and “Why does that girl need that bottle of stuff to help her get there?”.

While his mother struggled to distract him, the father realised he would also like answers to these questions.

Most men continue to follow this story with interest.

 

Man Ensures Continuing Joy By Saluting Magpies

A man in his 40’s, who should really know better, has spent the past 22 years making sure his days are filled with joy by waving like a lunatic at every single magpie he passes.

This behaviour is accredited to the old nursery rhyme “One for sorrow, two for joy…”. As everyone knows, waving at the single magpie counteracts its magical powers to inflict sorrow on the observer.

Investigations continue into the effects of accidentally waving at 2 magpies when you didn’t see the second one.

When questioned about the “3 for a girl, 4 for a boy” segment of the rhyme, the same man laughed it off, saying, “Shur ’tis all a matter to me, I had the snip years ago!

 

Irish Couple Reject Fantasy Home In Favour Of 2 Bed Semi

A couple in Leitrim have reassured neighbours that they have no plans to move. The couple are now property experts having watching several Channel 4 programmes about ludicrously lavish homes. Despite this new-found, in-depth knowledge, the husband has categorically stated that any of those multi-million dollar luxury houses would be “Too much”.

He was backed up by his wife who pointed out that there were no radiators and so “Where would we hang the wet school uniforms? They’d never be dry by the morning!

No, this couple are clearly much happier in their rented, 2 bed, terraced house than the smug Americans with a wing for each of their children.