So this week we are talking ‘Back To School’.

For some of us parents it’s the annual ritual of scraping our kids off the ceiling and getting them back into a routine. Some are preparing for the momentous ‘Exam Year’. And for some of us greenhorns, it’s our first time waving our little people off at the school gates.

For me, it is the latter, and the emotion of it has caught me unawares.

I first knew I was screwed as I drove away from dropping my eldest to her trial morning at primary school about 2 months ago. I cried like a bloody baby.

I’d been waiting 5 years to get to this point – 5 years of baby groups, toddler groups, play school, summer camps and looooooong days at home. I couldn’t WAIT to see my little girl blossom and take off into the world.

So why am I finding it so bloody hard?

She is ready. She is so ready. Like a little sponge she soaks up everything around her, a thirst for knowledge and challenges and excitement that I can no longer quench. I am so ready. To get some of me back.

I think my eldest starting primary school, along with my youngest starting play school at the same time, has compounded the fact that I am becoming very slightly obsolete in both their lives. And so I must shift and re-focus mine.

To find what?

A baby-brained, thirty-something, stretch-marked Momma? A vivacious, almost-forty year old, eager woman? A slightly frayed, gently-creased, mid-life-ish wife?

While I have yearned for the moment to come that I can regain some time for me, to pursue my dreams and do a pooh in peace, it is still so emotional to see my little girls grow up and away from me.

As I went into get the junior infant’s school books with ‘novice’ clearly written across my forehead, I prayed that we were doing everything right. Not just with the books, but with all of it! All of the choices we have made in her life to get her to this point.

But mostly with the books. (I’m no seasoned pro at Mr Price yet, but I can Supermarket Sweep a stationary aisle with the best of them!) Next year, I am sure it will all be a walk in the park – I hope.

But for now, both my girls and I take our first tentative steps into the next phase of our lives.

And to all you parents out there, sending your kids off for the first time or returning them to the fold, best of luck! It ain’t no easy feat; emotionally, financially, practically. You’re doing bloody brilliant!

Even if your kids don’t see it, we do xx